


(Let Your Body) Decide

by LokianaWinchester



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, But these two, Eggsy needs to decide, Everybody Lives, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M, POV Eggsy Unwin, Pining, Porn, Post-Kingsman: The Golden Circle, Relationship Problems, Roxy lives, confusing feelings, i mean not everybody, i need them, merlin lives, otherwise it's too sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:22:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokianaWinchester/pseuds/LokianaWinchester
Summary: After The Golden Circle, Eggsy's feelings for Harry come back with all their might and he needs to figure out a lot. This is the story of two loves, a lot of confusion, and a final decision.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly: Thanks to the Anon on tumblr for the prompt. Secondly: enjoy!

Eggsy sighs and buries his face in his hands. They smell vaguely of lavender like the soap on the sink in the kitchen. Everything smells slightly off. In a house made of wood, things just smell different, the slight tinge of a real wood fire in the fireplace is adding to the mix. Things sound different; almost muted, almost peaceful. Eggsy opens his eyes and lets his thoughts wander while he leans back in the armchair.

He is alone. It is good like this, he has nothing to worry about, except having groceries stocked, keeping the fire running, breathing. He wishes it was really like this, but his mind is racing, while it is completely empty at the same time.

Looking around the small house, that was more of a cabin, really, is peaceful, the only sounds he hears are the fire crackling and the wind clattering against a loose window sill somewhere in another room. Eggsy looks out of the window, seeing dark firs, gently swaying in the wind, that sounds so angry in the noises it makes, blowing around the house. The twilight of Switzerland’s 5PM dusk slowly settles over the cabin, the silhouettes of the trees merge with the surrounding darkness.

Eggsy has lost the track of time. He might have been sitting there for five minutes or five hours. He cannot tell. Time seems irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, he knows, but he has three days for himself and in that regard time is very limited. People are waiting for him.

“Fuck.” He is startled by his own voice, he is ripped from his trance.

People are waiting for him. He closes his eyes again as Harry’s face materialises in his mind. Then Tilde’s. They merge and Eggsy forces the image from his mind. No.

“Fuck,” he says again. He needs to sort this out. He needs to get his mind back on track. He was ordered to come here and figure himself out and if there was one thing he could do, it was following orders. He is not that lost. They expect him to.

Eggsy thinks back to the time when they did not. He thinks back to his start at Kingsman. Nobody really expected him to be anybody special, but he had his discipline and integrity and he worked himself up.

* * *

The first time Eggsy saw Harry, he was less than impressed by him. The guy was really stuck up, he had the audacity to give Eggsy shit about his life, accusing him of things that Eggsy was in no way responsible for. Shoving a seemingly great future in his face, telling him what he could have become. As if Eggsy did not know how fucked he was where he stood. At least Harry paid for their beers. That made up for the trouble back home at least partly. He was going to endure everything Dean was going to do to him, because where else was he supposed to go? What else was he supposed to do. He had no real work, he had no place to live; if he did not back down and endure everything, he would end up way worse, that much was clear to Eggsy.

When Harry beat up Dean’s puppets, Eggsy’s opinion of him completely reversed. Mesmerised, he watched the perfectly groomed gentleman beat the shit out of six guys and a bartender. Even as he admired Harry for this, he knew it would get him in even more trouble. He could already feel the bruises in anticipation of them, but for now he was concentrated on Harry. Maybe more so than he should be.

When the older man made his way back to their table, Eggsy was half hard and trying not to be obvious about it, but he forgot about that problem when Harry wanted to shoot him with the same shit that knocked out the bartender. He swore to keep the secret and he knew his punishment was going to be even worse now, but Eggsy had seen the light. He would gladly endure whatever shit Dean was planning against him right now if he could keep the memories to this posh wrathful angel. Eggsy was absolutely smitten. He would not have been able to take on all of them by himself and now, fortunately, he only had to face Dean.

To his great surprise, Harry actually stood down and when their ways parted minutes later, Eggsy was sure he was never going to see the mysterious Harry Hart again.

How wrong he turned out to be. If he had been grateful before, he was even more so now that Harry had rescued him from Dean. That man was really a guardian angel for Eggsy, because that day, for the first time, Dean had threatened him with a knife and Eggsy had not seen that ending well.

But Harry not only rescued him, but he gave him a future. Eggsy tried to act cool, but internally he was freaking out. So much good happening to him seemed impossible and yet it was all too real. Sitting opposite of Harry on the bullet train to wherever it was going was an interesting experience, because Harry let down his guard a bit. Not that Eggsy knew him well enough to make sense of his motives or habits, given that he only met him a few hours ago, but Harry actually smiled some more and made a witty remark or two about him always being late that made Eggsy grin. When they turned out to be true, he giggled quietly to himself, before he was being thrown in a room with his competition.

If there was one thing Eggsy could say about Kingsman, it was that it was not where he had ever seen himself when he had thought about his future. And really, he did not fit in. Everybody else was unbelievably upper-class and it was not only them who did not feel Eggsy did not belong. It was also he himself; and yet he stayed, if only out of spite. From the very start he knew his enemies. He had always been good at spotting those, but most of Eggsy’s personal enemies did not make it very difficult to identify them as such, as was the case again here. They felt superior to him because of his accent, because of his clothing and because of  their education, but there was nothing behind those facades of wealth and prestige and soon Eggsy realised that he was not inferior at all, if anything he was better than all of them.

Well, maybe not all of them. There was one person, he was less sure about besting. Roxy.

From the moment she had introduced herself to him, he had liked her. Again his gut turned out to be right, because even though she was just as well dressed as their competitors and just as educated, she had a kind soul. Eggsy found himself drawn to Roxy because of that. This kind of support that she gave him, the kind of reassurance she gave him, had been missing from his life for a very long time. He soon realised that Roxy was his better half. Many people said that about their spouse, but as platonic as Eggsy’s relationship with Roxy was, as true was that statement.

The two of them just clicked and Eggsy was beyond happy about that. He was also happy, he seemed to be doing well and happy about making Harry proud.

He knew he was making him proud because Harry told him so. Eggsy felt safe with him. It had been a while since Eggsy had last felt so safe and downright comfortable in the sole presence of a man of Harry’s age. Dean and his so-called friends were never big on kindness and the casual encounters Eggsy had had outside of that group, had only reaffirmed this belief.

But Harry was different and sometimes Eggsy would spend hours on end at in his office. He would have liked it to be a regular thing, but Eggsy had his training and his studies and Harry had an actual job to do. But whenever they were together, it felt right. They clicked.

In some ways, Eggsy supposed, it was similar to what he had with Roxy, but there was something different about Harry. Something, that might be related to how giddy he always felt when Harry contacted him, or to the fact, that he had literally gotten hard that time in the pub. There was some sort of tension between them, but it was nothing, either of them spoke about in these short times of being together, so Eggsy learned to simply enjoy them.

It was the first time in years, that he felt at home.

* * *

His eyes are closed when he comes back out of his memories. He takes in a shivering breath, trying to clear his mind of all the emotions that are swirling all around. What once confused him, is now clear to him, but he does not dare to think about it. Taking a deep breath, he gets up from the chair.


	2. Chapter 2

Eggsy makes himself some dinner; he is not feeling hungry, really, but he knows he has to eat, if he starves himself for days, his welcome back might be even less kind and way more uncomfortable than it is going to be anyway. Bread, cheese, some salad. He cannot be bothered to make anything more complicated, his fingers are not especially steady, but now he concentrates on his work, because his emotions are all over the place and preparing his simple meal gives him an outlet, something else to focus on. He eats in silence and retreats to his bedroom after doing the dishes and putting out the fire for the night.

Eggsy switches on the TV; the silence that came with the remote cabin was relaxing at first but now it is only haunting. It makes him think and that is the last thing he wants; he needs to be rational but his emotionally clouded mind makes this beyond difficult.

The news are on. A burned-down house in southern Germany with a casualty, a new invention from a 15 year old kid in India that could save thousands of lives by disinfecting water, another school shooting in the US. Eggsy changes the channel. This is not what he needs to hear now. Generally, he needs to keep up with current affairs for the job, but he is deliberately off his job right now, as he is painfully aware, and these stories are depressing. Eggsy sighs for what feels like the thousandth time.

He is missing the presence of another person with him, the bed feels cold. It is enormous; queen sized, the blanket thick, four pillows on the bed and more in the wardrobe, should he need them. The bed is warm, cosy and Eggsy could spend the rest of his life in there. But it still feels cold because he has nobody to share it with. His mind is starting to wander again and there is nothing he could do. The witless romance movie blabbering on the screen did little to divert his attention, especially since it is in a language he only speaks the barest minimum of.

His thoughts are drifting to Harry once again. How Eggsy longs for him to be there, his heart is aching and he frantically runs a hand through his hair, trying to restrain himself from grabbing the phone he has locked inside the drawer of his night stand as a precaution. He wants nothing to influence him here, he knows it would not be fair.

But what about him, what about fairness that regarded him? This situation is not fair for him at all. He is frustrated and lonely, not only wishing for a warm body next to his own but also for somebody to talk to, to connect to. It is difficult having so much longing and love in one’s heart and yet not feeling good about the love, cursing his longing. The intense feeling of craving somebody so much, throws him back in time again.

* * *

 

The Kingsman training was no joke, Eggsy soon realised. He was being pushed to his limits and he loved it. He loved proving Charlie and the lot wrong about him, he loved falling into bed at night, sleeping deeply and dreamlessly for seven hours. He loved forgetting about his life outside Kingsman. Sometimes he missed his sister, sometimes he missed her a lot, but his mum was only a text away and she sent him pictures and videos of her. The same went for his friends, who all thought he was an exceptionally busy tailor. All in all Eggsy would never exchange the life he had now for anything else.

His pining for Harry became more pathetic and embarrassing. He hoped he was not obvious enough for anybody to notice. The better he got to know Harry, he more sure he was that his hopes were in vain. And yet he could not bring himself to stop.

Amidst all this confusion and his new environment he was happy he had Roxy with him. The two of them quickly became inseparable, but then Harry was brought in injured, in a coma and Eggsy could not stand having anybody around himself. Merlin kept insisting that Harry would be okay eventually and Eggsy tried to believe him, he really did, but it was difficult. He was glad that he had his puppy JB to focus on then, because he missed Roxy but at the same time preferred solitude.

He was in the library, JB nibbling on the laces of his boots when he heard footsteps approaching, the tapping of paws accompanying them.

“Eggsy.” Roxy looked worried already and Eggsy was not at all ready for that, but he nodded and she sat down in the chair next to his own, the beautiful black poodle laying down, sniffing JB.

“Are you alright?” The genuine concern in her voice did nothing to soothe Eggsy’s bad conscience about isolating himself, but he needed to get better. He could not sulk forever.

“Yeah.” Of course Roxy was too clever to believe him.

“Is it about Harry?” No matter what Eggsy answered, Roxy would know the truth, so he kept quiet and looked to the ground. Roxy laid one hand on his shoulder.

“He’s gonna be alright, Eggsy.” It did not reassure him.

“That’s what everybody tells me.” Merlin, Arthur, they all said the same thing, but Eggsy was sure they knew as little as he did himself.

“And you don’t believe them?”

“I don’t fucking know what to believe, Roxy, I mean of course I want him to be alright but I also don’t wanna… I don’t wanna feel bad if he dies.” Eggsy buried his face in his hands. How he hated this situation.

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Eggsy replied sarcastically. He felt bad about it immediately, but it was only the truth.

“I’m sorry, Eggsy.” Roxy was too good for him.

“No, Rox, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just ghosted on you. I’m sorry. Really.”

Roxy smiled at him. She really was too good for him.

“That’s how it is when people you love are hurt. I understand.”

Eggsy did not know how to respond to that, so he did not.

They were back to being inseparable after that and Eggsy was more than happy about it. Roxy truly brought out the best in him.

Sometimes he visited his mum. Holding his baby sister was the best way to celebrate another week at Kingsman.

“How’ve you been, Eggsy? We see awfully little of you.”

“I’ve been great, mum. The job’s great.” Eggsy saw how proud she was of him. But he was sure some of that was because he was doing a safe job, because there was no danger of losing as far as she knew. It broke his heart having to lie to her, but Eggsy knew it was for the best.

“You dress so well now, you’re all polished up. You look so much like your father, baby.” Eggsy saw the pain in her eyes. She had not talked about his dad in a long time, never daring to around Dean, but nearly 18 years later she was still suffering. But Eggsy was going to get her out of that situation. One way or another, he was going to get rid of Dean, he had to, for his mother and for his sister.

Sadly these visits were short and infrequent, but they got Eggsy’s spirits up, kept him fighting. He needed to, because the competition was hard and even though he was one of the top candidates, it took only one slip to change that. He was not going to allow that, because Kingsman was his only way out. And on top of that he had Harry to make proud, Merlin was right about that. If he dropped out while Harry was in this coma, the chances of seeing him again were rather slim.

But then Harry woke up. Eggsy, who had spent hours sitting at his side, hoping for exactly that to happen, was not ready to face him, but as soon as he got the news, he headed to the infirmary. Harry behaved completely normal, he was shaved now, the beard completely gone, even though Eggsy would not have minded seeing Harry with it in a less comatose state.

Harry seemed happy to see him, too, but Eggsy was left pining for a hug, for countless kisses. He was almost feeling guilty about his feelings sometimes, but no matter how hard he tried to fight them, they remained.

Roxy helped. She knew about it and she helped, always there for him with hugs and comforting words, just as he was when she needed it.

* * *

 

Eggsy laughs out with the irony of his situation. He feels the exact same again and he misses Roxy more than ever, she could probably help him, but it really is not her problem or her obligation to sort out Eggsy’s life so he resists the urge to get his phone once more and tries to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

He dreams, he remembers.

* * *

 

Eggsy had been attracted to Harry from the start. The man was just incredible and not only was he hot beyond belief, but he was also witty, intelligent and kind. No wonder Eggsy developed feelings for him. He was not going to act on them though, that would be more than inappropriate, but he allowed himself to press a kiss or two to Harry’s hand, sometimes his forehead when he was in the coma after the implant exploded onto him.

After Harry awoke from it, things were different. It was nothing big, but their relationship did not feel the same, their dynamics were different. Eggsy was sure it was because Harry saw him as more of an equal now. For weeks he wrangled with his feelings, that wanted to return with full might now that Harry was back in the world of the living and not holed away in the infirmary at Kingsman.

But he gave up eventually and let his feelings wash over him. He had accepted that nothing would come of this, but neglecting what he was clearly feeling, did not help him in the least.

He was at Harry’s place for a lesson, he supposed. Harry was talking about etiquette, but Eggsy was barely listening, following the movements of Harry’s lips with concentration. How he wished to feel them all over his body. Eggsy swallowed.

His eyes latched on to Harry’s hands. They were strong, as Eggsy knew well. He had seen what they could do. The fingers were long and elegant, Harry’s gestures controlled, probably underlining the words he spoke, not that Eggsy could tell, because his heartbeat went fast and he could literally hear the blood rushing through him. Harry’s hands stopped gesticulating and instead one gripped Eggsy’s shoulder. Eggsy moaned.

 _Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._ Eggsy’s inner monologue was not especially articulated, but who the fuck moaned when somebody gripped their shoulder? Even if they were admittedly beautiful and their hands strong and a major point of the attraction harboured towards them. But there was no escaping this situation. It was his own fault, so Eggsy looked up at Harry to see a surprised expression crossing his face.

“Eggsy?” His voice was low, it made Eggsy flush.

“Yeah?” he asked in a weak voice. He was so pathetic, he cringed internally. This was not going to end well.

“Did you just moan?” The small smile that curled around the corners of Harry’s lips told Eggsy that he knew exactly that he had.

 _Fuck._ His inner voice was back with the witty commentary.

Eggsy’s silence widened the smile another fraction.

“Yeah,” Eggsy repeated.

“And why’s that?” Harry inquired. He did this to embarrass Eggsy, but when he looked into the older man’s eyes, he saw more than humour there; his pupils were dilated, eyes darker than they usually were as he looked back at Eggsy.

“Fuck,” Eggsy muttered under his breath. He really did not seem to manage coming up with more. In response he received a single raised eyebrow from Harry and an “on?” in teasing question. But all this did not hide the desire written all over his face, clearly visible to Eggsy who had seen this particular expression too often to mistake it now.

But nobody had ever worn this expression better than Harry. The darkness of his eyes gave him an edge, it hinted at a less polished side of Harry and Eggsy was all for getting to know that side.

“You want me. Fuck, ‘arry, you want me.” The words left Eggsy’s lips and the next second they had risen to the number one of things he regretted doing in his life. Harry looked more surprised than anything, besides maintaining the look of sheer desire.

Still this had been unprofessional and Eggsy was going to apologise. He was well outside the etiquettes Harry had probably told him about less than five minutes ago. But just as he wanted to start speaking, Harry’s grip on his shoulder tightened as he pulled Eggsy closer until their chests were touching and Eggsy felt the warmth that was radiating from Harry. A shiver crept down Eggsy’s spine, his mind was reeling, there was no way for him to know what Harry was planning to do.

Then Harry’s other hand came up to lift Eggsy’s chin up with one finger and it became pretty clear to Eggsy what was about to happen. And yet Harry managed to surprise him. As Eggsy was already about to close his eyes, Harry spoke up.

“May I?” His voice was raspier than usual and softer at the same time; it made Eggsy’s knees turn to jelly. It was also the most Harry thing he had ever heard anybody say. Eggsy nodded weakly in response. Fuck yes, Harry may.

And Harry did. As soft as his voice, his question had been, as much was the kiss the exact opposite of that. Harry’s tongue was opening up Eggsy’s lips and Eggsy was responding eagerly, or at least as eagerly he could respond given his brain was in complete shutdown.

Harry was precise, his kisses deep, almost bordering on filthy, but not quite, just as the dark glint in his eyes was a mere shadow of what Eggsy suspected to lie behind it.

Eggsy slid a hand into Harry’s silky hair. He had wanted to touch it for a long time and now he felt it between his fingers and he tugged, just a bit. However, the reaction this received was delicious. Harry moaned into the kiss and it did unspeakable things to Eggsy’s heartrate and his arousal, that was building at an alarming rate.

Harry responded by moving the hand from Eggsy’s shoulder to his hips to pull him closer, so much closer and now Eggsy felt intimately that he was not the only one affected by this.

But then Harry’s hand moved even lower and when he squeezed Eggsy’s ass cheek, Eggsy gasped into the kiss to which Harry’s lips twisted into a smile. Harry was so much better than Eggsy had imagined, and Eggsy had had quite high expectations based on the fantasies he had about the man.

Eventually, Harry pulled back, eyes even darker than before and his hair was ruffled.

When he stayed silent, Eggsy took it upon himself to speak up.

“You wanna move this to the bedroom?” Harry laughed out breathlessly.

“I think that would be the best, yes.” Eggsy grinned. He was not sure what he had done to deserve this; his hopes to be fulfilled, his dreams to come true, but he was going to enjoy every second of it.

“Lead the way, bruv,” he said. Harry scoffed.

“We’re about to have sex and you still call me bruv?” He noticed Eggsy’s scrunched up face. “What’s wrong?”

“Have sex sounds so clinical.” Eggsy knew this should be the least of his problems, but if Harry was going to be picky about his vocabulary he could as well do the same.

“Very well, I’m about to fuck you into next week and you insist on calling me bruv?” Harry said, but the second part of his sentence was drowned out.

“Shit, Harry, you better get to work then.” Hearing Harry say these words had sent an uncomfortable amount of blood into Eggsy’s groin. His dick was straining against his pants and luckily Harry stopped arguing, took his hand and more or less pulled him to the bedroom. Where he proceeded to push Eggsy onto the bed. He wanted to get rid of his clothes, but was taken by surprise when Harry kneeled in front of the bed, firmly placed hands moving up Eggsy’s thighs.

“Keep still,” Harry instructed and Eggsy would not disobey even if he wanted to.

Harry’s hand was at Eggsy’s fly all of a sudden, opening the zipper, the button above it, while his other traced the outline of Eggsy’s dick through the layers of fabric with those beautiful fingers of his. An embarrassingly loud moan echoed through the room. Eggsy was ready to come from this alone, but he bit the inside of his cheek and took a deep breath as Harry pulled down his pants, then his boxers as far as he could with Eggsy not moving.

When he looked down, he found Harry looking at him, eyes dark, licking his lips. Eggsy suppressed another moan. The man was too much. Maybe Eggsy was so weak for him because he had waited for this so long trying to chuck his hopes out the window and now they were coming true. But he forgot all about his theories when Harry gripped around the base of his dick, giving it a few probing strokes before leaning forward and taking the tip in his mouth.

“Fuck, Harry!” Eggsy exclaimed and as Harry looked up at him with an amused glint in his eyes, Eggsy could almost hear him speak in his mind. “Yes Eggsy, very observant of you.” Eggsy cursed sassy mind Harry as he lost himself in the feeling of Harry’s hot mouth around him. He could not remember the last time he had been sucked off without a condom on, but Kingsman agents underwent medical checks almost religiously. It had annoyed Eggsy, being monitored like that but it payed off.

It payed off tenfold, Eggsy had to admit, as Harry began going down on him in earnest. Moan after moan left Eggsy’s lips and he would have been embarrassed at how vocal he was being if he had any capacity left to feel anything but arousal. It already took everything he had in him to not move, but Harry’s curt instruction had been very clear. Eggsy was nearing a mind-blowing orgasm at an alarming speed, but just when he was about to come down Harry’s throat, the grip on the base of his dick tightened and Harry pulled off. Eggsy let himself fall back onto the bed.

“Fuck!” Harry had not been kidding. Eggsy already felt like he was halfway to next week and Harry did not look like he wanted to stop anytime soon. When Eggsy looked at him, Harry had gotten rid of his shirt and holster, opening his pants, unaware of Eggsy’s stare.

And stare he did. Harry was absolutely perfect. His abs were defined, not absurdly so, but enough that one could see that Harry was very physically active. Eggsy was sure that before his coma, no man in his fifties would have been in better shape than Harry.

But then Harry pulled down his pants and Eggsy could his dick straining against his briefs. Suddenly Eggsy was very aware that he was still almost fully clothed and ripped away his eyes from the glorious sight before him, and pulled down the zipper of his hoodie with shivering fingers.

He tried to wiggle out of his pants at the same time but he was stuck and probably looked utterly ridiculous. Eventually he managed and looked back up at Harry who was grinning down at him, before he climbed onto the bed himself. Eggsy shuffled back to make room for him, until he was sitting against the headboard. Harry leaned over him and closed the distance to kiss Eggsy again. It took Eggsy’s breath away to be devoured by Harry this way, to taste himself in the kiss.

Harry reached over into the drawer of his nightstand, retrieving a bottle of lube.

“Turn around for me?” Harry asked and Eggsy scrambled to obey.

Harry ran a hand down Eggsy’s back, slowing down at his ass, squeezing, then a slap and Eggsy was moaning into the pillow.

“Oh god, ‘arry.”

“Yes, Eggsy?” Eggsy could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Fucking get on with it,” he demanded. Harry huffed out a laugh, but Eggsy heard the cap of the bottle click open, heard the wet sound of the lube being squeezed out. He was shivering, not knowing what Harry was doing but when he felt the cold substance being spread around his hole, he gasped. Eggsy took the first finger easily, wanted more, craved more.

“You can… you can use two,” he insisted. Harry obliged. It was better, but Eggsy got used to them as well, starting to thrust back against Harry’s hand.

“You want more, Eggsy? Do you think you can take three?”

Eggsy nodded enthusiastically.

“Say it.” It was a clear order. The tone of Harry’s voice made Eggsy’s dick twitch underneath him. “Say it, Eggsy.”

“Yes. Yes, three. Please,” he moaned out.

Harry took his time working Eggsy open, it was clearly not the first time he had done this, it occurred to Eggsy, and he was irrationally jealous of whoever else had come to enjoy this before him, but his thoughts of jealousy evaporated, when Harry twisted his fingers against his prostate. Eggsy groaned through clenched teeth and willed his thighs to stay and not buckle, willed himself not to grind into the mattress with all his might, but he needed more now, he needed to come. Harry did not indulge him, instead he finger-fucked Eggsy until he was moaning incoherently into the pillow. Scissoring his fingers until Eggsy was loose, going at a pace that had been satisfying at the start but was now far too slow. Just when Eggsy was ready to literally beg Harry to get his move on, he pulled out and left Eggsy panting into the pillow.

A few moments later the tip of Harry’s dick was pressing into Eggsy, but he was going too slow again, he was barely moving, so Eggsy pushed back against him, needing Harry in him, needing to be fucked like Harry had promised. But the older man evaded him; as Eggsy was pushing back, Harry pulled away, putting a hand on Eggsy’s hip. He leaned forward.

“Don’t move. Stay still and I’ll make you feel so good, dear boy,” Harry promised, voice low, almost a whisper next to Eggsy’s ear. Eggsy nodded and was promptly rewarded by Harry moving, pushing in, inch by inch. It was too slow, way too slow, but Eggsy did not dare complain.

Harry’s one hand stayed on Eggsy’s hip, holding him steady, his other was kneading Eggsy’s cheek, spreading it. When the first slap landed, Eggsy’s arms gave in and he landed face-first in the pillow, groaning out loud He was not going to last much longer, especially since Harry had increased the pace of his thrusts ever so slightly, ramming into Eggsy before pulling out slowly, and waiting too long to slam back into Eggsy, hitting his prostate full on. Harry knew exactly what he was doing and thrust after thrust he reduced Eggsy to a moaning mess.

When the second slap landed, the pace increased again, the soft claps that resulted from Harry’s quick forward thrusts echoing through the room. Eggsy’s muddled brain lost count after three, because then the hand that had been on his hip, moved to his dick, squeezing the base and Eggsy’s complete brain capacity went towards being mad at Harry for not letting him come.

At the same time he was feeling too good to be mad at Harry for anything. Eggsy was so preoccupied with this dilemma that he barely noticed Harry’s thrusts coming faster and faster, losing their rhythm, but soon Eggsy was crying out with every thrust delivered right onto his prostate and when Harry loosened his grip around his dick and started stroking it, thumb running over the tip, jerking Eggsy off in time with his thrusts, it took Eggsy three – four – five blasts of pleasure shooting through him before he exploded all over Harry’s fist, onto his stomach, the sheet.

He registered Harry leaning over him, planting a kiss to his shoulder blade before slamming into him one last time, spilling deep inside Eggsy.

Eggsy must have been out for a few moments, because suddenly Harry was laying half on top of him.

* * *

Eggsy wakes up with a start, his eyes are wide open and he needs a second to remember where he is, but since he is away a lot for the job, he is used to waking up in strange places. Harry’s presence still feels real, but it is only him, sweating under the blanket; he is turned on, rock-hard. The alarm clock on his night stand tells him it’s 7AM but there is no chance he will be able to go back to sleep in this state. He needs to get off. Eggsy curses under his breath as he throws the blanket back and cold air hits him. He has the heating system on the lowest setting and the fire is responsibly off, but he regrets both those choices now as he grabs a towel and a bathrobe from the rack and waddles into the bathroom. He needs to let the shower run for a few minutes before the hot water is coming through but when he finally steps under the relaxing stream, he groans out loud. He stands there a few seconds just enjoying the sensation, then starts to slide a hand down his torso, running his fingers over his nipples, twisting them, teasing them. He clenches his teeth when he wraps his hand around his dick. It is not going to take him long. The dream about Harry is still on his mind, the memory of that occurrence as detailed as on the first day and he sees Harry’s face before his eyes and hears his moans when really it is only his own echoing in the small space of the shower. He runs his thumb over the tip; the precome is immediately washed off by the water flowing down his body, caressing his skin. His pumps become more erratic, the pants of his breaths turn into moans.

Eggsy feels the orgasm rapidly approaching and yet he is not prepared for it when it washes over him, pushing a last groan from his lips.

He leans against the cold tiles, feeling the slight ridges move against his skin as he moves, unsteady on his legs.

When he sits at the table, toast, butter, some fruit before him and a large coffee in his hand, he feels better, refreshed and decides the thing he needs now is physical activity. He decides to go hiking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.... I have much to say about .. porn. apparently. This chapter is longer than the two before it combined. Hope you enjoyed it ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More porn! Don't worry, angst will soon follow!

When Eggsy re-enters the bathroom, the memories hit him again. He brushes his teeth, trying desperately to think about anything but Harry for a change, but his mind seems dead set on it.

Eggsy does not like it, but he cannot fight himself, he gets dragged back into the depths of his own memories, before he can get to washing his face; it is both unnerving and unsettling, but he is not in the most stable of mindsets.

* * *

 

When Eggsy was halfway coherent again, he looked over at where Harry’s head rested next to his own.

“Must be Monday,” Eggsy muttered weakly, alluding to being fucked into next week. He certainly felt like Harry had made true on that promise.

Harry laughed, the movement of his chest running through Eggsy as well.

“I take it, I’ve succeeded, then,” the older man responded.

Eggsy remained silent. For a moment he let himself indulge in his imagination. How perfect it would be to cup the back of Harry’s head now, feeling the sweat-damp hair, pulling him closer to kiss him, sweetly. How perfect to whisper confessions of love between kisses, to fall asleep in his arms.

Eggsy was so screwed, in all senses of the word. When Harry pulled out, leaving a trail of cum to trickle down to Eggsy’s thigh, he scrambled up, put on his clothes. He would probably do or say something really dumb if he stayed any longer.

“You could stay,” Harry said, sitting up against the headboard.

“They probably expect me back,” Eggsy replied. Luckily that was not a lie. “But if there’s another week you wanna fuck me into, feel free to tell me,” he concluded with a wink. Then he was out the room, out the house, walking hastily down the street calling a cab to the street corner.

Back at HQ he went straight for the showers, he was probably reeking of sex. He was still loose and his dick was well on the way to getting hard again, when he thought back to the mind-blowing sex he had had less than an hour ago, but he willed it down.

He slept dreamlessly and woke up refreshed. He was barely aching. Harry had truly done a marvellous job preparing him. He smiled to himself , which was probably his biggest mistake. Roxy came up to him on the way to breakfast and pulled him into an empty office.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Good morning to you too, Rox,” Eggsy tried to override his dread with humour. Was he this obvious?

“Did you?” She looked at him intensely.

“Fuck. Yeah I did,” Eggsy admitted.

“Oh,” Roxy muttered. “Don’t worry, it’s not really obvious, just that smile and the shift in your step, how late you came back. And… you know, your feelings,” she added in a low voice. “I’m sure nobody else will know.”

“Wow,” said Eggsy.

“We’re training to be spies, Eggsy. Plus I’m your best friend,” Roxy pointed out. Eggsy cocked his head in consideration.

“Was he any good then?” Roxy asked.

“Yeah. Yeah ‘e was.”

“Alright, alright no need to explain. Just get that dreamy look off your face and you’ll be fine,” she quickly interjected before leaving the room and heading for breakfast.

When he saw Harry again, the day after that, Eggsy had very mixed feelings. There was nothing about the way he behaved around Eggsy that gave anything away. The rational side of his brain was screaming at Eggsy, that this was good, that Harry was right treating him the same as always. He knew that it was only sex and that hoping for anything more than that was simply irrational. But there was also a tiny whispering voice in his head, that came through stronger than it should, telling him to be devastated about the lack of extra affection he was given. It could only be dimmed when Eggsy saw the dark look in Harry’s eyes when he looked at him directly. He saw it as a promise. There would be another week.

And there was. A few days later Harry let him come to his office and Eggsy hoped to god that it would lead to sex in Harry’s office, but what were the chances of that? Unfathomably small.

And yet Eggsy found himself turning the key to lock the large wooden door behind himself at Harry’s command. At the press of a button, the blinds blocked any interested eyes. Eggsy was already half-hard in anticipation. Harry patted his thighs, gesturing for Eggsy to take a seat on his lap.

The kiss with which Eggsy was greeted, turned him on further; Harry seemed to know instinctively what made Eggsy go and he knew how to use that knowledge. Eggsy felt Harry’s erection against the bottom of his thighs.

He placed one hand between his legs to rub at the tip through Harry’s suit. Harry downright moaned into Eggsy’s mouth at that, which prompted him to pull back.

“You want me to suck you off?” Eggsy tried not to let it shine through that he was beyond eager to.

“Such a dirty mouth,” came Harry’s reply. As soon as Eggsy was off his lap, his hands flew to his waist to open his pants, separating his thighs, so Eggsy could kneel between them.

Eggsy pushed Harry’s hands away to pull down the zipper himself. He was going to treat Harry so well and knowing the older spy, it would be good for both of them.

Eggsy pulled out Harry’s dick and his mouth started watering instantly; with nothing more than a grin up at Harry, he wrapped his lips around the tip.

The feeling was familiar and Eggsy noticed with amusement that Harry seemed to be having a hard time staying still in his chair. He moved one of his hands to press against Harry’s thigh and shot a look at him, a clear warning to stay. His other hand went to the base of the cock in his mouth as he started to work it. Eggsy noticed how Harry tried to stay quiet; the offices in the building were sound-proofed, but there were certain risks still and the older man did likely not want to take on any of them.

Eggsy got into a rhythm of sorts, bobbing his head, sucking and working Harry’s dick with his tongue in ways he knew were good. Very good. Soon, he felt Harry’s hand come up to grip his hair.

“Eggsy,” he panted out and the younger man understood it as the warning and plea that it was. A warning that he would not make it any longer and a desperate plea to give him more.

Eggsy looked up at Harry once more; he was biting his lip, supposedly to keep himself from letting out any sounds, but Eggsy still heard the choked off moans. Harry met his eyes, pupils blown wide, his look so hungry and full of lust, that Eggsy’s own half-hard dick twitched in response. Then he took a deep breath and swallowed around Harry’s cock.

The reaction was immediate; Harry’s hips jerked forward, driving his dick the rest of the way into Eggsy’s throat, nearly making him gag, but he managed to take a breath through his nose and relax.

“Sorry, dear boy,” Harry said, but one look at his face from Eggsy’s angle made it clear that he did not feel the words he was saying that moment. It was mere politeness, and just like that, Harry moved again and began fucking Eggsy’s mouth, using one hand on the armrest of the chair to make his movements possible, the other was gripping Eggsy’s short hair hard, keeping him in place.

Having taken control of the situation, Harry seemed to forget keeping quiet, his moans came in time with his thrusts, as he used Eggsy’s mouth and throat to his pleasure, growing louder and louder as his movements became erratic.

Eggsy opened his uniform with one hand and freed his own dick, stroking it in synch with Harry’s thrusts. His eyes were watering, tears running down his face, but it was good, it felt so good to be used by Harry like this; it felt so good to let go. Even as he was thinking this, Harry tensed up. The hand in Eggsy’s hair began pulling painfully and the tip of Harry’s dick pressing into the back of Eggsy’s throat, nearly made him gag again, as Harry shot his load down the tight space.

Panting, he pulled out and zipped himself up again. Eggsy slumped against his thigh, tears rolling down his cheeks still, panting obscenely, while all he wanted was to get off as well.

“Come here,” Harry said, his voice surprisingly steady.

Eggsy only looked up at him. Harry took a tissue from a packet on his desk and wiped away the tears.

“Come up here,” he repeated, his tone calm. But his eyes were still as dark and hungry as they had been before. “I’ll make you feel good, darling.”

Eggsy tried to suppress the moan, but failed miserably. His voice sounded rough. He forced his trembling legs to stand, to move towards Harry and sit across his lap again. The latter’s strong hands came up to stabilise him as Harry leaned up into a kiss. It was gentle but demanding, and so Eggsy gave. He kissed Harry with all he had, moaning into his mouth when Harry wrapped his hand around his dick and started pulling him off with steady, practiced movements.

Within a minute, Eggsy came with a choked cry and slumped against Harry’s shoulder.

“You’re so good for me,” Harry whispered. Eggsy could only nod weakly.

Harry cleaned him up and kissed him once more.

“Merlin expects you for training in ten minutes. You better make yourself presentable.”

Harry’s grin was unmistakably fond, teasing even, but when Eggsy realised what he had said, he scrambled to his feet.

“I better –” he gestured at the door and hastily went to unlock it. “Bye.”

 _Bye?_ He buried his face in his palms once outside. What was wrong with him?

* * *

 

Eggsy splashes water in his face and looks at himself in the mirror. He has a lot to process, sure, but letting lost in memories like this, recalling all the times Harry made him feel good, all the times, Harry was still there and still himself, it feels more like torture than anything that does him any good. But he needs to think, he needs to decide and he has a limited amount of time. He does not feel like hiking anymore, but he will go, if only for the fresh air. It can definitely not make him feel any worse.

Eggsy gets dressed and packs his lunch. The weather outside is beautiful, the snow gleaming white; he puts on sunglasses and heads out into the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a bit shorter again, but hey :)) Hope you liked it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading. I hope you liked it; if so, I have to let you know that at this point I live off of kudos and comments, so they are very much appreciated to keep me alive and help me power through this WIP :)


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